Tag Archives: life

Twinkle

Faint red lights in the sky

Twinkling while I gaze

Into the openness and the quiet

Of a clear summer night in the wild

Oh it’s chilly now but,

I wonder what all will freeze

When the sun’s not around as oft

And the clouds start icing the breeze

Will I still hear the stream roar faintly in my sleep

Or will I simply yearn for the smell of burning wood in my fireplace

To warm my feet in the frost filled night

Though now there’s no frost, no frozen stream

Just a mild chill tickling my sleep

I wonder if it’s the chill I feel,

If it’s my heart feeling the cold or my feet indeed,

Sometimes I wake up wishing I wore socks,

And sometimes I wake wishing I had your locks

To smell at night in my sleep

And maybe I wouldn’t feel the chills on my feet

And we could both look into the void

And admire the faint red lights in the sky

A Glimpse of Divinity

Is peace finite?

Is peace absolute?

Or is it more like an ocean, or like outer space! Once you start going across the horizon there is no end to how far you can go.

I feel more peaceful than I used to before. I feel I am experiencing only the tip of the iceberg. For the first time, I feel peace and love together and there has never been anything as relaxing, comforting and peaceful as what I feel today. I used to think that love disrupts peace. That I would have to choose either one, or compromise a bit on both. I guess I was wrong. I now understand that love, once matured enough to get stronger than our insecurities, amplifies peace. Love amplifies peace and peace lets you love harder.

This is what I would call divinity.

Dreams aside

Oh how I love you, still

From up here on the hills

Where we once watched the stars

Almost in each other’s arms

Oh but I love you now

While you’re far away in your town

Protecting yourself and your pack

From this desolate attack

That makes all of our stomachs go bad

Oh I wish things weren’t so sad

I wish we could fly, and chill

Instead we mourn the going of our kin

I wish I could spend some time

With you sipping on some wine

But dreams aside, this is war

And being with your close ones, that’s only fair

No matter how much I miss you I will survive

And maybe some day we will all, once more, thrive

And then if I love you still

And you have the mood and will

To maybe come back to me once more

We will see what happens to our lore

Till then, stay strong just as you do now, my love

And keep taking care of the folks you love

Your family, your lifelines

The ones who’ve always made you smile

And remember, this too shall pass

And for sure, we’ll have our scars

But this too shall pass,

One day, some day.

A drunk person’s monologue about love

I broke up with the girl I love today. I also patched up with her today. And in between the two events, I cried, got myself a lot of beer, bought a paid subscription of Tinder (even though I hate using that app, even though my girl and I met via that app – and she’s literally the only person I’ve met via Tinder!). And in the end I thought of having a few beers anyway, just as a reward for this exhausting day.

So that brings me to now, moderately drunk and still processing what happened today. God, I love her so much. And I know she loves me too. And we’re SO compatible. So then why did we break up? Well, we didn’t break up. I mean we did. But we didn’t. It’s complicated. She just didn’t want to label us as a relationship (without changing what we have) – she has issues with the label for some reason. Hence she we “broke-up” – after which we wouldn’t be in relationship anymore and we could go back to loving each other without the added pressure.

I thought by breaking up, she meant she didn’t want to be with me anymore. As in, she didn’t love me anymore. But after an afternoon of sulking, self doubt, and a sort-of heated argument, she said “but I love you and I don’t want anything to change”. Which confused me. And also made me understand this isn’t really a breakup, even though it’s just a “breakup” in the traditional sense of the word – in the sense that we won’t be in a relationship anymore, and implied nothing more than that. We still love each other. We’re still exclusive. We’ll still do silly things. We just won’t call ourselves a couple.

Is that weird? Absolutely. But so am I. In SO MANY WAYS. Am I okay with that? Yes! As I said, I love her SO much, giving up on a tag (and maybe some social status along with that) is the least I can do for her. And I know she’s not lying when she says she loves me. And what we have is so amazing, regardless of what we call it.

So what’s my conclusion after it all? Love is hard. And fucking weird. But it can be totally worth it.

An Uneasy Heart

My heart yearns to get closer to you, my love
While I stand beneath the stars tonight
Dreaming the moments we have shared
Wondering when I’ll feel you on my chest

And smell your hair and see you smile,
Oh my, I want to see you smile
Taste your lips while you taste mine
And wonder how you read my mind
At times when I cannot comprehend
How to tell you a thing
You understand in a whim, it takes my mind for a spin!
And I think I understand you, too!
The state of your heart beneath your smile
Whether it’s filled with glee or despair
And right now it’s drowning in despair
Your beautiful heart, drowning in despair

Don’t worry, my love, the sun will shine
It always does, it always does
Even after a long, long night
And I will pray with all my heart
To the stars, who are quite
Shameless, to say the very least
Because they’re not helping, just sitting tight!

But I will pray to the stars
To push the sun to an early rise
To end this storm that you’re going through
So that you can finally come

And slip into my arms and fall asleep
Though I don’t think you need my arms to sleep
I hope you would welcome them, still,
For they need you, they’re growing ill

While trying to hold my heart
From parting with the rest of me
To go where it truly belongs,
Next to yours,
Whether in sunshine or in a storm.

Oh World

Oh world, why did you kill me?
If that’s what you wanted, then why did you feed me?
When I’m living why I’m dying?
And yet why is dying the most satisfying?
Oh world, did you really kill me?
Oh world, you freed me
The worst is gone, even though it’s yet to come
When it started I was safe but dead
Stay put but afraid
Now not much has changed,
But I’m alive once again
Not afraid to face the wrath,
Not afraid to meet my end
The world is the same,
I have changed
The storm is yet to come
The storm in me has passed
Oh world, you didn’t touch me
And yet,
Oh world, you almost killed me!
Oh world you could have killed me,
And yet,
Oh world, you freed me!

Tofu Rice Bowl

It’s my first evening out in Mumbai after moving back and I’m sitting at this nice little Asian restaurant in Hiranandani, having just finished a tofu rice bowl with a friend. She’s gone away temporarily to attend a work meeting, and I am supposed to wait here for her so thought I’d write something. A diary, a journal, something of that sort, jotting down my adventures in this so very familiar city as I explore it once again, from scratch, with a completely fresh mind.

But I’ve lived here before, what new will I discover this time?

A major difference between my time spent in Mumbai earlier and now is that back then I was either in school, or (for a brief 6 month duration) working (and partly, struggling for) a career in IT. Right now, on the other hand I’m working part time in IT, and have planned to make a career in Music during the other part of my free time. It’s not just a (partial) change in profession, it’s also a huge change in my lifestyle. I am finally doing what I want to do along with what I need to do, not just the latter. And that change has made me so much more positive, enthusiastic and open minded in life. Of course, it also helps that working in music (at least during the initial months when I’m just going to be creating new music and finding inspiration for the same) isn’t as draining as a job which involves working on complicated binary text monsters all day long. That is, until, I get depressed. Why, you ask? Musicians are depressed creatures. Period. But I feel I have already been through my first phase of utter sadness and dispair back when I was working full time in IT, haha!

So how has the first day been?

Initially, it was ok. I was getting slightly bored, had to do some chores during the day. But now that I’m out of my house sitting in some restaurant just chilling and writing all of this, I love it. I think the main thing is that I have to get out of my house more often, have to stop being lazy. I want to explore this city, meet new people, admire the smaller things in life: the good food, the pretty cafes, the beautiful trees, lakes, the ocean, the people, and anything and everything this city has to offer; not just my (however cosy) room back home. So as long as I get off my arse and go out, I think I’ll love it. And you never know, I might end up writing some sweet stuff in the process!